Seriously I found the different between western countries and Malaysia after I further my studies in Australia. "Are you born to be homosexual?" or "Are you being hurt by someone before?" or "When do you know that your are a lesbian?" All this questions happen around me once they know I'm a lesbian. No doubt they are just curious about how's life of being a lesbian.
In Malaysia, I never wanted to tell peoples that I'm a lesbian. I'm trying to hide myself from the truth due to Malaysia is an Islamic country that cannot accept homosexual. Being deceived as a deviance if I telling everyone that I'm a lesbian. Somehow being out from the closet never cross to my mind when I'm in Malaysia. I change my mind after I came to Australia, I being proud that I'm gay. err cannot use proud this word is just that I think that it is not a crime or anything that hurt others. I'm just being myself, and that's me.
I do have a girlfriend when I'm in secondary school but I admit that when we went out shopping we will more act like a close friends rather than a couple. God knows that Islamic countries doesn't not accept homosexual somehow I should know that we are not allowed to be too over in public. Comparing to Australia, is very different. I can feel the gay rights in Australia but not in Malaysia. Everyone respect to the gay! Everyone will be equalized! no hard time of being a lesbian in Australia. By the mean time, gay marriage are legalized in Australia and not in Malaysia. The hardest things for every gay couple in Malaysia that have to face on.
As a lesbian, there are butch, andro, femme, etc. people who labeled them as a butch always fucked up their life in Malaysia. They don't have to tell people that they're lesbian and people will just judge them by their look of short hair, boyish style, boyish attitude, and act so boyish. I still remember I heard that there is a political news about being boyish is illegal in Malaysia. "National Fatwa Council forbids tomboyism" The title that have been held around Malaysia newspaper by The National Fatwa Council has ruled that tomboyism, where a girl behaves or dresses in a boyish manner, is forbidden in Islam. In Malaysia, everything is restricted comparing to other countries. Everyone have their own life. Even gays have their own rights.
In Malaysia, I happened to see some of the people who post in forum mentioning that once their parents know their gays relationship. They are not allowed to go out and they are not to mix with friends who looks boyish and the parents are being discriminant to people who looks boyish. sophiscate their mobile and not allow them to contact with outsiders.
Come back to the question according to most of my friends who asked me. I would like to clarify everything here rather than answering everyone question one after one.
I clarify myself as a lesbian. I love girls. And I'm a butch somehow a bit girlish. I act like a girl and I like girl that who I am. I never get hurt my anyone else before and turning my sex orientation. Instead of interested to the opposite sex, I prefer same sex! I remember my first love who i fell on is in form 3 (15years old). There is this girl who is my best friend in class we used to chat on the phone almost everyday. In some instances, that she's playing with my another bestie who seems like very boyish too and I will started to feel the pain in my heart. It is feeling of being jealous and everytime she close to me, my heart popping quickly. And this conclude that, I fell on her. And I know I'm a lesbian from the day on. Another reason is because I found it is more easy for me to get along with girls. I do not hate boys is just that I just dislike to communicate with them, is just that I'm not interested on them.
